9 Confidence-Crushing Habits All Women Need To Stop Immediately

women confidence-crushing habitsTalk about getting in your own way! 

Building confidence is powerful business. Speaking your mind, confidently entering a room full of strangers, or delivering a stellar presentation with little notice becomes possible because you believe in yourself.

So, once you have it, you want to keep it, right? 

The problem is … some of your most kind and polite habits actually undermine the confidence you worked so hard to create, setting you back on a shaky foundation.

It’s wonderful that you’re nice and, of course, you want everyone to feel as good as you do, but it’s time to stop these pesky habits and honor your empowered self: 

  1. Constantly apologizing

Saying, “I’m sorry,” at every turn to appease people is a compassionate tripwire. While validation feels good for them, your self-esteem takes a hit every time you apologize for yourself. It confuses your subconscious mind. If you didn’t do anything actually wrong, yet you say, “I’m sorry,” self-doubt begins to creep in.

Practice saying, “I apologize,” instead and you may find you say it less often and only when genuinely warranted.

  1. Hangin’ with the naysayers

It hurts when you care deeply for someone who is negative. You know how much better life is with a positive attitude. But cheering up a pessimist is an uphill battle …temporary at best …and energy-draining for you. Feeling happy or miserable is a choice. You can still love that person without wallowing in his or her misery.

Protect your confidence by investing your precious time in activities and conversations that make a positive impact and strengthen you.

  1. Skipping out on me-time

To build authentic confidence, you must first create a good relationship with yourself. And that relationship includes me-time, doing what feeds your soul without need for anyone’s approval but your own.

Remember what recharges you. Schedule me-time on your calendar. Prioritize staying centered, balanced and connected to your inner self, your authenticity and your intuition.

  1. Playing small

Authentic confidence is as rare as it is sought-after. You may not feel you fit in anymore with people you previously shared a lot in common with. We often play small so others won’t feel threatened, but that just undermines your efforts.

Relax knowing that as you play a bigger game, more players will arrive. Upgrading your life isn’t always comfortable but it is always worth it.

  1. Belittling yourself 

Certain words and phrases undermine communication and, as a result, your confidence, too. “Just” belittles. For example, saying, “I just have a question,” implies either you are unimportant or your question is. “I just think,” tells others that what you think is unnecessary or an afterthought.

  1. Talking about what you don’t want

The subconscious mind ignores the words, “don’t” and “not” and essentially removes them from sentences. The brain is visual and focuses on action words to determine how to direct the body. Since it can’t picture not doing something, it focuses on the action in the sentence, which is precisely what you don’t want done. (Don’t picture a pink elephant. See?)

Next time, tell others what you do want, instead of what you don’t.

  1. Putting your “but” in the wrong place

The word “but” in a sentence negates what came before it. So if you say, “I love you, but I dislike when you do this,” what comes across is your dislike. Instead, say, “I love you.” Then, start a new sentence about what you do want. “In the future, I’d appreciate if you (blah, blah, blah).” That way, you get both of your positive points across.

State what you want with certainty, which means think before you speak. This is something most of us can use practice in.

  1. Taking criticism personally

When people criticize, it’s a reflection of what they’re unhappy with in themselves, not you. You may represent who or what they wish they could be or could do. And those who want to hurt you simply seek your company in their despair — avoid joining them.

Also, when you feel snarky or critical, look inside yourself to see what needs adjustment.

  1. Ignoring your intuition

Trusting your gut feelings, like Oprah does, is precisely how you gain authentic confidence in the first place — there’s no other way. Without it, you’re simply a flag flapping in the breeze, taking whatever direction others think you should.

Standing your ground, speaking your mind, feeding your soul and rocking your confidence are all part of the inner game. It has nothing, NOTHING to do with anyone else. So, heed your intuition. 

Reminder — You are more than enough.

You are more intelligent, talented and valuable than you can possibly imagine right now. And, as you scrap these self-defeating habits and, instead, trust your instincts, you’ll find yourself led in the right direction. This builds more confidence and allows you to showcase your brilliance and make a difference in the world.

Kelly Rudolph is a Confidence Coach and founder of Positive Women Rock. She gives women the tools to get from stuck and stressed to clear and confident. Connect with her and get her free Life Strategies at PositiveWomenRock.com.

You may also click here to read this article on YourTango.com

Click here to read this article syndicated on ThoughtCatalog.com

Click here to read this article syndicated on TheMotherish.com (Australia)

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8 Responses to 9 Confidence-Crushing Habits All Women Need To Stop Immediately

  1. Suzy Thomas January 27, 2016 at 9:55 am #

    Kelly, YOU rock more than any coach or “program,” or therapist I know at this moment. I’m working in real estate again after a complete grief, emo breakdown of sorts in October and am looking forward to hiring you. If you’d be so kind to send me your program prices again, I would appreciate it. Thanks for being you and what you do!

    • Kelly Rudolph January 27, 2016 at 12:40 pm #

      Hey, nice to hear your virtual voice, Suzy! Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you! And I will email you. 🙂
      You ROCK!

  2. josphine January 28, 2016 at 6:28 am #

    Another great life injecting piece especially ‘just’ and ‘am sorry’. am practising to stop this low esteem words. thanks again Kelly. God keep you & bless you exceedingly. am popularising your work to my single moms network.

    • Kelly Rudolph January 28, 2016 at 7:01 pm #

      Hi Josphine! Thank you so much. I appreciate you! You ROCK extra big for sharing my message with your single moms network! Thanks.
      You ROCK!
      Kelly

  3. Michele March 20, 2016 at 12:18 pm #

    I enjoyed reading this post. This is great advice. Lets reverse the negativity and live positive healthy lives beginning with our thoughts.

    • Kelly Rudolph March 20, 2016 at 2:55 pm #

      Michele, your email address is EXCELLENT! 🙂 Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you.

  4. sarah oppong July 16, 2016 at 3:04 pm #

    Positive women rock. Thanks Kelly. I’m enjoying this network.

    • Kelly Rudolph July 17, 2016 at 8:21 pm #

      Hi Sarah! I’m so glad you are a part the Positive Women Rock Community. 🙂 Thank you for letting me know you’re enjoying it. I appreciate you!

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