Drama Queen

When you talk to your girlfriends or guy friend about the drama in your life, realize you are polluting their life with negative energy. You have undoubtedly been the ear someone needed and wondered later what you were thinking when your friend felt great after dumping all of her garbage on you. It’s human nature to “share” and especially a favorite practice of women.

If you are allowing drama in your life and share it with others, you are a drama queen looking for attention. Yes, that is a bold statement and it hurt when someone brought my own drama queen activity to my attention a few months ago. I was appalled, since I hate the energy and insecurity of drama queens but he was right and I stopped the practice right then and there.

Better than sharing that toxic energy with your friends is helping keep each other accountable for recognizing their value and disallowing drama in your lives in the first place.

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Your opinion is important... share your thoughts.

7 Responses to Drama Queen

  1. Val Wilcox February 16, 2011 at 12:05 pm #

    Kelly,
    Drama queens is a perfect word for those who have to exaggerate life’s experiences into something negative. Stepping out of this role is something most of them don’t even want to contemplate. Life is so much richer and fuller when you live in love and gratitude for each and every day.

    Great message,
    Val 🙂

    • Kelly Rudolph August 6, 2011 at 8:23 am #

      Thank you, Val. You said that eloquently!

      What I’ve discovered as to why women (and plenty of men) would rather stay in the role of drama queen (victim) rather than contemplate stepping out of it is this: the discomfort (and there is a LOT or they wouldn’t be looking for this kind of attention) of staying is predictable. They can always find people who will listen and feel sorry for them. Stepping out of it is unpredictable. Where will they get attention from then? Who will care what they are going through? And honestly, what WILL they have to contribute to healthy friends who focus on support and solutions?

      It is vital to realize we create what we get. The only time we are drama queens is when we are blaming someone else for what happens to us. We blame our significant other, friend, boss, parents, the economy, God, the government, etc. Giving our power away like that leaves us powerless. Acknowledging that we are responsible for our lives, regardless of what others do, proves that we can create the future we want and be excellent, strong, healthy people with our greater power (God, Spirit, etc) cheering us on for using the creative power we were given.

  2. Anne August 6, 2011 at 2:02 am #

    Hi Kelly! I have just discovered your website and love it! I think it is very informative and helpful. Thankyou 🙂

    Just regarding this post..l don’t completely understand…

    I have found that l need to talk through my problems with my friends to solve them. Otherwise, stuff keeps going around and around in my head. But l do agree with you that a positive woman does not want to ‘dump’ her problems on her friends. In fact, lately l have made an attempt to try and be more self sufficient in this respect.

    Are you saying you shouldn’t talk to your friends about ones problems at all? That one should try to be completely self sufficient and independent? I am confused with this because l find that rather masculine. I have found that women tend to bond and like to talk about stuff. l guess it is a balance..?

    • Kelly Rudolph August 6, 2011 at 8:03 am #

      Hi Anne,
      I’m so glad you found my site and I truly appreciate your comment.

      You bring up a great point in that there is a BIG difference in talking to friends to figure something out and polluting their lives with drama queen behavior. For example: giving a situation and asking their opinion is valid. Discussing how you are feeling about something and what you think a possible answer may be is valid also. Whining and complaining with no solution possibility in your rant is pollution and drama. As we fine-tune our self-respect (that we so often ignore), we can easily determine what feels good to help a friend with, listen to and learn from and what is a big load of garbage dumped on us with the intention of drawing attention.

      Example: You have an issue with your computer and go to get an estimate on how much it will cost to fix it. You are told a ridiculous amount of money that you don’t have and the future of you with a working computer looks bleak. You stress and worry and call your friends to commiserate. This is drama and a big negative dump on your friends and fails to make anyone feel better. It is true that misery loves company but are you really the one who wants to spread misery so you don’t feel alone?

      Alternative: You call your friends and tell them what happened and ask who they use when they have a computer issue. You get a few recommendations and testimonials and the price goes down to less than half what you were originally quoted and everyone feels great for being there and being helpful. This is respectful, appropriate friend behavior and strengthens relationships.

      • Anne August 7, 2011 at 5:33 am #

        Hi Kelly! Yeah that makes much more sense now. Thank you for clarifying! To be honest, I realise l do this a little bit but want to move away from this behaviour. This post has given me a lot to think about. Thanks! 🙂

  3. Kirsten Nelson August 7, 2011 at 10:19 am #

    Great article! It is very important to me to surround myself with friends who help lift me up, and I am able to lift up as well.

    I have a few close friends I share an agreement with that help me validate a crappy day or other negative emotions without dwelling on it and bringing myself and everyone down around me.

    When one of us has a bad day, we give each other 5 minutes to complain fully and completely. After the 5 minutes are up, we are done an leave the complaining and drama about the issue behind.

    We then focus any discussion on the issue on coming to a solution and moving forward. 🙂

    • Kelly Rudolph August 7, 2011 at 10:23 am #

      Great point, Kirsten. I have an article about a 4-minute pity party because I’ve learned that’s all it takes, whether you include someone else or just speak your displeasure to yourself aloud. I saw somewhere recently that a pity party should be 20-min and I think that’s WAY too much wallowing! Venting is important, and like I mentioned to Anne, we can “feel” the difference in that and polluting with drama. Thank you very much for your contribution to this conversation!

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