It’s important to choose friends wisely because your friends say a lot about you as a person and some of them say a lot about you behind your back.
As women, we have all attracted less than empowering “friends” at one time or another. And it’s important to know how to tell the difference so you can make good choices when it comes to friend selection. Yes, I said, friend selection because you don’t want to take just anyone who comes along. You want to make sure you’re a good fit and have your healthy boundaries in place and trust your intuition to say, “No, thank you,” if necessary.
A positive woman friend is empowering and supportive and keeps you accountable to your dreams. She cheers you on, shares in your happiness when you succeed and treasures you’re friendship. When you’re with her, you feel good about yourself and confident that someone has your back because she does. You look forward to your chats and get-togethers because you laugh and have powerful, quality conversations. She makes a positive difference in your life and you make a positive difference in hers. You both take responsibility for improving your lives and relationships and love setting a good example for others. You share a positive perspective and when you get down from time to time, you know your friend is there to listen and help you come up with solutions to feel better and you’re there for her down times as well.
Toxic “friends” who aren’t actually friends at all (frenemies) secretly sabotage your dreams and success by causing you to doubt. They are jealous of your relationship and want you all to themselves so they can manipulate you. When you’re with them, you feel a discomfort you may not be able to put your finger on, thinking it must be you. After all, why would a “friend” do something that hurts you or causes you to doubt yourself? Short answer, a friend wouldn’t. You may feel uncomfortable when the conversation keeps turning to her dramas and talking negatively about other people. You feel confused and possibly angry and weak after your chats and get-togethers. She says things that cause you to feel obligated to join her in things you really don’t want to do and guilty or like a bad friend if you don’t.
Certain personality styles won’t like this approach because they are more interested in pleasing everyone. Recovering people-pleasers know that trying (try implies failure) to please everyone means pleasing no one. Usually the people-pleaser is the first one who isn’t pleased but feels bad to admit it because, “That’s what we are supposed to do, make everyone happy.” Nice theory but it never has worked and never will because it’s flawed. Too many different perspectives on what makes us happy creates the impossibility of pleasing everyone.
Friendship is a two-way street. It has never been a one-size-fits-all proposition.
The emotions you hold inside are creating ease or dis-ease in your body 24/7 and there are many wonderful people-pleasers who have died too young of a terrible disease or had a tragic accident because of the stress and pain harbored silently so they didn’t upset anyone. This is your life. Everyone has their own journey and lessons to learn.
My Real-Life Story:
Before I raised my self-esteem, I accepted any friend prospect who came along. There were many toxic ones and I didn’t know any better. I always thought I must be doing something wrong or that there was something wrong with me when I felt hurt or used or manipulated. Once I learned to be my own best friend and focus on my personal development, I learned to establish and enforce healthy boundaries and attract positive women friends. There’s a learning curve and we are all at a different place. There are a LOT of awesome positive women friends out their who deserve your friendship. I had to learn how to wait for the right ones and that put me on my own for a while. It was totally worth it!
You have to choose wisely the people you invest your time and energy and emotions with. You can’t do any good for anyone if you are emotionally drained and insecure from a toxic friendship. Choose friends who inspire you to be a better version of yourself. This way, you can inspire others and feel fulfilled and happy that you are making a positive difference in the world as a whole.
Leave a comment and tell me what quality is most important to you in a friend.