Patterns From Your Past Can Destroy Your Future

We would all like our family members to be supportive and positive but the fact is, many are not and they can bring us down and emotionally pressure us into staying small when the world needs our gifts that get suppressed by negative relationships.

We can let go a little or a lot from our family members and develop new, positive patterns rather than staying stuck in the ones from the past.

When people dread going home to family for the holidays, it is apparent that what was there before, which is what they are walking back into, isn’t supportive of who they either have become or want to become.

We can energetically protect ourselves before these gatherings as well as understand how we get stuck in the past when we go backward without protecting our confidence in who we have become since.

The same feelings arise when we are adults and spend time around our parents and siblings that arose back then. A topic at dinner triggers us into an emotional time in our childhood. Maybe it was a good time and we feel loving and warm and fuzzy. But if it was a bad memory, we get trapped in feeling resentment and land right back in the pain of that past emotion again. No wonder we want to cut our visit short! We thought we outgrew this and here it is again – a pattern from the past messing up our future and definitely our holiday.

I know a family of two parents and four adult children in their 50’s and 60’s and they get together every national holiday and birthday and they literally hate each other! They are so stuck in the past patterns that are destroying their futures that at 50-60 years old, they fight like 5-year-olds!

I joined them for a few holidays without knowing what I was in for.

The toxicity was debilitating to them and they literally got physically sick from every holiday. The past patterns from their toxic childhood kept them sick and stuck as adults because they feared changing the past pattern of getting together on holidays.

A pattern from the past that can destroy our future is keeping everyone we’ve ever met in our lives. Don’t we want to keep our friends? Absolutely, although as we grow, we need different types of people in our lives and different people need to learn from and experience us. If everyone we know isn’t progressing in the same way at the same time, we grow apart and that needs to be okay with us. It’s important to move on from some people and allow them to move on from us.

Significant others and children are part of our present and future and still, sometimes we need to let them go for a certain period of time for both of us to grow. There isn’t a limited number of people for us in this life, there are always new beginnings and new people-meeting opportunities happening every day, if we let them.

We may have friends or family members who are healthy for us to be around for many years or a lifetime but that certainly doesn’t describe everyone we know. And one of the detrimental patterns we can get stuck in is holding on too tight out of a scarcity mindset.

When dealing with your significant other and children, if you fall into negative patterns you learned growing up, not only do you perpetuate the pattern but destroy your future with the past. You find yourself doing what your mother did that you hated and utter the dreaded words, “OMG, I’m just like my mother.” 

It can be a life-long process and project to create the life you desire and deserve. But it doesn’t have to be. Part of that is bringing forth the good patterns you learned as a child and letting go of the negative ones. Energetic work like the Dragonfly Process® can shift these patterns or release them completely in minutes.

If you’ve ever wanted a new beginning, this is an excellent way to keep all the great things you learned growing up and release the others after learning the lesson from each one.

Guilt is so much a part of us that it affects portions of our life daily without us even realizing it.

For example, you may be holding weight because you’re sabotaging yourself for doing something as an adult that would not please one of your parents. Weighty issues are emotional issues and must be released for any new healthy habits to work long-term.

Releasing from your parents and moving forward to be your own person is the most powerful and challenging thing you will do in your life. Without releasing, you are held back daily, hourly, minute by minute. We are taught that we come from our parents. I truly believe we come through them. I walk my coaching clients through a safe, gentle release process and their life changes immediately.

We do not have to do, think or believe things just because they did but most adults do without realizing it. Imagine the magical feeling of gratitude for your parents and all the great things you learned from them while being able to create new patterns for your adult life rather than simply defaulting, unconsciously into living the same ones you adopted as a child that no longer serve your best interest.

Doesn’t that feel great? You will definitely have better relationship with them afterward, minus the resentment and suppressed anger even the most gentle of us have stored inside.

You may also like my blog post, Your Past Does Not Define You; It Tells The Story Of Your Strength

How have patterns from your past guided your present and future relationships? Please leave a comment.

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4 Responses to Patterns From Your Past Can Destroy Your Future

  1. Nancy Shields May 19, 2011 at 9:08 am #

    Kelly,

    Great post my “girlfriend” on the left coast! This is so right on – I can write a whole book on how my parents affected me and also affected me on the positive side too!

    I had to shed like an onion, one layer at a time, from so many years of trying to hard to please my father – finally at the age of 40, I said no more – now even more recent – I have decided to totally shed both of them for they are so toxic. I will be pleasant when my mother calls but I don’t take anything she says to heart anymore.

    Now on the positive side – I have learned some amazing traits of giving and being generous from both of my parents…

    In gratitude,
    Nancy

    • Kelly Rudolph June 7, 2012 at 9:47 am #

      Your story is very powerful, Nancy, and one so many have can relate to and appreciate the support in going through! Lessons are powerful, even if pain is the teacher. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

  2. Arletha Skinner June 5, 2012 at 8:15 pm #

    Hi Kelly,
    I agree with you that your past negative interaction with your family can get in the way of you having a fulfilling life.
    I always held back how intelligent I was because my sister and my father did not want to hear about what I was learning in school or thought about something. I found myself holding back in my interpersonal relationship work and in college. My sister was placed in a learning disability class when she was in grade school. She took it out on me when I would be studying she would always accuse me of being lazy. I was washing my own clothes and doing my hair, I was independent and she was constantly setting me up behind my back so, I would l appear to be argumentative.
    I started holding back and staying in friendships with people who were not the right influence I needed in my life. When I reached my teenage years, I decided she did not use good judgement in her choice of friendships. I let her continue to visit whomever she wanted, and I stayed home and studied.
    It has not been easy to break their negative influence in my life. It’s a daily struggle to live my own life and not theirs, but you have to have the faith and believe in yourself or hurt everyone in your present relationships.

    • Kelly Rudolph June 7, 2012 at 9:44 am #

      Thank you for sharing, Arletha. You are definitely correct in your statement of having to believe in yourself or stay in the negative energy and hurt people in your life as well. Breaking this cycle can be very challenging and you have done and are doing a great job! I appreciate you very much. 🙂

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