A “attacker” is someone who feels out of control of their life and chooses to control someone else to feel powerful again. They are in the “attacker mindset” and are looking for weak, vulnerable person to be their next victim. You can use confidence to stop being a victim.
The attacker mindset.
Anyone from a 4-year-old bully in preschool to a rapist and murderer have the same mindset.
You may be saying, “Wait a minute! A 4-year-old and murderer are very different!” Simplifying it (which is my passion and specialty), they both feel out of control and want to get some control back. And that can mean physically controlling someone like a kid pushing another kid, or mentally controlling like manipulating someone you are in a relationship with. Those are just two examples and of course the list goes on and on. The point I want to make is that it really is that simple and straightforward when you boil it down to basics. And that’s where solutions are, not it making every person different in their own unique way of attacking. That makes everything convoluted although many people make their living by making things complicated and difficult. I prefer to simplify and solve.
Truth is, you and I may go in and out of the attacker mindset every day. When we feel insecure, threatened, or out of control of our life, there’s a survival instinct to gain control. How we respond is a choice. If we gossip, road rage, lash out emotionally, verbally, physically, etc., we become an attacker.
Other ways of dealing would be asking for help or support, learning something that would help feel more confident, practicing to improve, switching to something that is a better fit, etc. We always have the option of doing something negative to someone else to feel powerful again.
The short-lived power fix.
Attacking is a short-lived high just like a drug fix because we were not created to get lasting benefit from negative behavior. So those who choose to attack others in whatever small or large way, find they soon feel weak and insecure again and need another power fix.
At any time, they can choose to respond in a more positive manner, but if they feel weak and desperate, oftentimes, whatever way they got their fix is the same thing they choose to do because it worked before and it can become a habit.
Why confidence keeps you safe.
Attackers are not looking for a fight, they are looking for a win, dominance. If they lose a fight, their already low self-esteem is further reduced, so they only pick fights they think they can win, and easy targets. They look for someone who looks weaker than they feel inside.
Someone who looks confident also looks like they have their life together. Wait! It’s okay if you don’t feel you have it together, we all have ups and downs in that area. You just have to look the part for the time being. A bit later, I’ll share why it’s important to become confident for real rather than just put on the act. Obviously, pretending to be something you are not is exhausting and you can’t keep it up indefinitely, but there is an even greater reason later in this article.
Powerful people take up space.
Confident people are powerful people. There’s a saying, “The world steps aside for the woman who knows where she’s going.” When you are walking, swing your arms, keep your head up, put your shoulders back, and look around. Walk and stand, and even sit with purpose. Look like you know where you are going even if you are not sure where that is. You will look strong and confident.
Someone hovering over their phone, oblivious to their surroundings, looks weak and vulnerable. Attackers are excellent at reading body language. They love cell phones for that very reason! They instantly create distracted people, perfect to prey upon for a power fix.
Smiling makes you and those around you feel good.
You may have had a tough day, but if you want it to get better, put a smile on your face. The energy you project when you smile draws positive people and opportunities toward you and repels anything negative. Negative people may not run screaming from you but they are much less likely to mess with you. As you can imagine, someone with negative energy from a lousy day looks weak and vulnerable, worn out, fed up, already partially beat up.
Beware if you are in “fierce” or “diva” mode. Those are both born of anger and proving “I’ll show YOU!” energy. Anything but positive! Those women very often attract exactly what they don’t want. When you use confidence to stop being a victim, it is the opposite of forceful energy and much more effective.
Acknowledgement meets the attacker’s need for connection.
Eye contact and a smile is great with people who feel safe or positive. If you get a creepy feeling from someone, have a pleasant look on your face and look them over casually (you’re not “checking them out”) without making eye contact. Eye contact can be seen as a challenge or invitation to approach by someone looking for a victim.
People in “attacker mindset” need to feel significant and connected just like you and I do. By acknowledging their presence when many people ignore them or give a dirty or scared look (hello, perfect victim), they will feel “seen” and like they matter. They will feel better about themselves for a moment because of YOU so you will be their buddy for a split second and that’s all you need to be different and portray yourself as confident. They would not attack someone who makes them feel good about them self.
Insecurity invites attacks so use confidence to stop being a victim.
The only reason someone attacks is feeling insecure. If you are hanging out online or offline with catty, snotty, insecure women, eventually, you are going to be the victim. Whether it’s being shunned, bullied, gossiped about, tricked, stolen from, belittled, sabotaged, or lied about.
Healthy boundaries and paying attention to how you feel ABOUT YOURSELF when you are talking to or with other people is VITAL. Your safety – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically – is all about how you feel about YOU.
Sound selfish? Nope. You must take good care of yourself before you can be at your best for those you love, be successful in your work or career, in relationships, etc. The world is full to the brim of insecure people fighting daily to find someone else to fill them up and make them happy and that’s not how it works. Never has been. Never will be.
Your underlying energy tells your secret.
You can use confidence to stop being a victim with your confident body language but that will only work temporarily. If your underlying energy is negative, you have a problem. If you are fearful from past experiences, angry from being betrayed, guilty from mistreating someone, or sad from the loss of a loved one, it shows in your body language and makes you look weak. And those who look weak or insecure look like perfect victims to an attacker. Vulnerability invites attacks whether from someone you know or a stranger.
When I was raped on a date in my 20’s, the statistic back then was rape “victims” have an 80% chance of being raped again within two years by someone else. I was. And then I learned how to be a rape survivor on the inside and the outside rather than a victim. I no longer had a big “V” (for victim) on my forehead that attackers could see from a mile away.
But you know what? I could see it on many foreheads of my audience members when I taught personal safety and self-defense for 12 years (after I healed). I could pick victims out of a crowd in a heartbeat, just like attackers can. And that’s why some people are victimized repeatedly throughout their life. The negative energy of attacks literally attracts more attacks.
How I chose to heal and use confidence to stop being a victim.
What I did was go to an American Indian medicine man and one hour of hypnosis wiped out two and a half years of rape and domestic violence from my underlying energy. I felt clear and confident and was no longer seen as a potential victim by would-be attackers. I have never had any drama, trauma, or bad dreams or memories about those years or experiences.
The results were so powerful for me that I learned energy work from that shaman in 1984 and have been clearing peoples’ energy from everything imaginable ever since. It is fast, and simple with the right guidance, and it’s life-changing… immediately!
To use confidence to stop being a victim, keep up that smile and those confident swinging arms and look around as you walk. Know that if you have been victimized your underlying energy does show up as weakness. That will happen until it is fully released from many generations back (not just from your childhood or personal experience). And establish and enforce healthy boundaries (2-step process) around how you want to be treated and behave in a way that warrants the treatment you desire. In other words, if you want to be treated with courtesy and respect, be courteous, respectful and respectable. Respect is earned not given.
And if you want to release the underlying negative energy and self-sabotaging programs that run your life from behind the scenes, connect with me on my Contact page or sign up for my free weekly Life Strategies. That is the work I do. Removing emotional baggage that drags you down makes it much quicker and easier to have confidence to stop being a victim.