Positive women know that when they speak, type or think, the word “but” negates everything that came before it.
Examples:
Statement: “You look great but your hair looks dry and brittle.”
Meaning: “You don’t look good so I’m wrapping the criticism in a compliment so you’ll still buy me lunch.”
Statement: “She’s really pretty but she could use some teeth-whitening.”
Meaning: “I’m kind of jealous so I’m picking her apart.”
Statement: “The spaghetti was okay but I would have made the sauce a lot thicker.”
Meaning: “Spaghetti… not that good… I can do better.”
Statement: “I know you two will be a great couple but you should consider dating other men.”
Meaning: “I don’t believe you two can make it work. Save yourself while there’s still time!”
Statement: “The movie was great but it could have been shorter and had more action.”
Meaning: “I hated the movie and I was bored to tears!”
Positive women share what’s on their mind in an authentic, compassionate way. There is no need to “read between the lines” when a positive woman speaks because there is nothing between them.
If there is something between the lines when you speak or write, take a closer look to see what lies beneath your message. If you don’t care where you put your “but,” you’re bound to put it in the wrong place and be inauthentic, delivering back-handed compliments and mixed signals. You become one of the women who teach men they have to read between the lines to know what we’re really saying!
Leave me a comment and let me know if you are going to be more conscious of where you put YOUR but…
Hello Girlfriend,
I love this post and you were the one that taught me that “BUT” negates the statement you just made. Thank you for being my teacher on this one. So true that so many men have to read between the lines and have gotten use to women speaking in this fashion. So when a man hears a woman and her “not but” statements, not sure if he knows how to handle?
Say what you mean and mean what you say….
Love your post,
In love and light,
Nancy
You are welcome, my friend! I’ve attempted to de-program men who thought they had to read between the lines with me and it was so ingrained in them that it was quite difficult. They are surprised when they learn that I speak differently and the relationship, whether friend or dad or significant other is much more relaxing without them working so hard.